Friday, January 31, 2014

A Cordoba, The Snowman’s Semi, and a Cherry Bomb: The Car Inspections of the Alabama 24 Hours of LeMons


Here we are in Alabama, for the 24 Hours of LeMons' first visit to Barber Motorsports Park, and this super-luxe track seems in real danger of having its property values destroyed forever by the collection of heaps and hoopties we've dragged onto the premises. We saw quite a few quick-looking (i.e., boring) Integras and Miatas, but some stunning instant LeMons Legends of the first water also made the scene. Let's see what we'll have starting tomorrow when the racin' begins.


In honor of one of Alabama's greatest bands, we created a special race-specific commemorative BRIBED stencil for teams that were kind enough to offer gifts to persuade the 24 Hours of LeMons Supreme Court to, you know, keep it fair.


In their never-ending quest to get their not-exactly-stock Eagle Talon into Class C, this team went for a well-executed Runaways "Cherry Bomb" theme. OK, so Joan Jett probably wouldn't be very impressed by the distressing wholesomeness here, but this isn't 1976 Los Angeles.


Since this is Alabama, we were counting on some team to make reference to the final play of the 2014 Iron Bowl game. Sure enough, this Kia Sephia team (with alumni from both Alabama and Auburn on the roster) came through.


Incomprehensibility made its usual appearance. We don't know what's going on here, and neither did this team.


Sasha the Crazy Russian and the rest of Sputnik Racing somehow managed to take possession of the NSF Racing 1972 Plymouth Fury, and Sasha dressed up for the occasion as a Euromaidan protester.


This Fury didn't manage to turn many laps at the LeMons Fall South 2013 race in South Carolina, but we have high hopes for this 318-powered rust monster this time out.


Battling the Fury for the coveted Class C prize, however, is a car we've been waiting for years to see in LeMons: a 1975 Chrysler Cordoba, campaigned by those Chevette Diesel-racing heroes of Zero Budget racing.


The budget-priced Cordoba came with a zip-tie-affixed Dodge Ram 50 grille instead of the factory, Ricardo Montalban-approved piece, so Zero Budget fabricated this superior custom grille.


Unless you've been following LeMons with a disturbing level of obsession for the last seven years, you can't understand what the sight of a Cordoba in our race means to us. We hear the Fury-versus-Cordoba betting is reaching absurd levels right about now, so we'll keep you updated as these Mopar behemoths do battle.


We thought it would be impossible to top the Cordoba and the Fury, but then the Knoxvegas Lowballers rolled up in this. You're looking at a Geo Metro with rear-mounted Ford Duratec V6 out of a Contour SVT. No, really!


With an engine swap that stupid brilliant, the Lowballers didn't need to knock everyone out with such an incredible theme job… but serious LeMons racers know you can't rest on your laurels if you want to reach the top tier of LeMons Legends. We'd thought that Smokey and the Bandit themes had been Done To Death in this series, but that's just because all the other examples followed the same Screaming-Chicken-decal-on-BMW-hood template.


Yeah, the Knoxvegas Lowballers have now catapulted themselves into the big leagues. On paper, the Duratec Metro Freightliner (or whatever you call it) should be quite fast, with its light weight and 200-horse V6. Perhaps it will dominate the race this weekend!


Meanwhile, we've got three former race-winners among the 80 or so teams gearing up for the weekend's competition: the Ziegel Scheißhaus Mercedes-Benz 190E, the Ghetto Motorsports Mazda RX-7, and the Hong Norrth Mazda MX-3. Hong Norrth, by virtue of their many previous wins, is the favorite, but those who can tear themselves away from the Cordoba-versus-Fury race long enough to focus on the fight for the overall win will have a lot to debate about when it comes to discussing the pros and cons of these three top contenders.


In Class B, we've got a right-hand-drive versus left-hand-drive Subaru Legacy Outback matchup for the ages.


Be sure to check in Saturday night to see what happens during the first race session here at Barber.


Better still, come by the track! You can check out the amazing Barber Vintage Motorsports Museum while you're here.



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