When I first viewed this video, I thought it was the winner of a parody commercial contest. Instead of mocking a competitor's real advertisement, (as with Jaguar's swipe at the Mercedes "Chicken" commercial), it parodies a fictitious social phenomenon that supposedly afflicts first time luxury-car buyers: the pressure to have sex with people who aren't worthy. Based on the spot, I figured the contest was limited to entrants with no professional advertising experience whatsoever. In fact, I was pretty sure the winning commercial was made by college students using iPhone cameras.
It also appeared that there were some requirements: 1) The car being advertised could not be shown for more than one second in total, and even then, only bits and pieces of it could be revealed. 2) The same basic gag had to be used repeatedly, even though it's only funny the first time, if at all. 3) Extra points were awarded for overacting and gratuitous foul language. In light of those requirements, it's easy to see why "Luxury Car Abstinence" would have won. But here's the thing: It's not a joke.
This very real commercial opens on a young couple, presumably on a date, leaving an upscale restaurant. When they get to her new Mercedes CLA she coyly flips him the keys and asks if he wants to "drive." To protect his luxury-car ownership virginity, he recoils in horror and lets the tainted keys fall to the gutter, where they belong. The virtuosity of his quick thinking is applauded by a fellow who is so shamed by his own lack of moral fiber that he refuses to let himself be seen on camera. "Luxury peer pressure is real," he says remorsefully, before admonishing viewers not to be weak like he was. If that first scenario didn't deliver the message, the video offers seven more equally awkward vignettes, culminating with a son who cites his father as the role model who inspired him to keep his keys in his pants until the right ignition slot rolls along.
Even though Dad epitomizes the effete, old-guard luxury-car owner stereotype that Audi consistently bashes in its other commercials, this video now offers him up as someone whose example the viewer should follow. Makes no sense. And what's with that weird extended hug at the end?
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Which leads to another question: When this commercial was green-lit, were all the smart people at Audi on holiday break? Does Audi really think that the Mercedes-Benz CLA-class and BMW 2-series are so bad as to be shameful, or that mocking their owners is a smart way to make friends and customers? And why would they have the guy behind the blinds utter a scatological word that starts with "s" and ends with "t" and sounds like "ship?" To underscore that Audi is a classy brand?
On second thought, maybe this is a parody. Maybe BMW or Mercedes made it and somehow hacked the Audi YouTube page to make them look bad. Because "Luxury Car Abstinence" is surely not on par with Audi's typically excellent work.
Award-winning ad man-cum-auto journalist Don Klein knows a good (or bad) car commercial when he sees one; the Ad Section is his space to tell you what he thinks of the latest spots. The ad's rating is depicted via the shift pattern at the bottom, but everyone has an opinion when it comes to advertising, so hit Backfires below and tell us what you think, too.
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