As far as I'm concerned, clothes are just something which keep me from However, even with such a clear disclaimer to my limited scope where fashion is concerned, I feel it necessary to point out at least one simple rule: if you walk around all day wearing a baseball hat turned around backwards, you'll look like an idiot. Or Fred Durst. I hesitate to cast too many aspersions, being somewhat fat and definitely ginger, but I'd have to say the results are a bit… mixed. Surely you, dear reader, who are possessed of eyes, can come to your own conclusions on the matter. I think it looks like someone sat on it. Still, from many angles the MINI coupé is actually not too bad looking. If you put up the deployable spoiler for instance. Or look at your feet. And if getting attention is your thing, then good news! I once actually returned to my tester to find two ladies having an impromptu photo-session with it. Admittedly, it was a bit more Absolutely Fabulous than America's Next Top Skeleton: apparently Grandma's a Limp Bizkit fan. But enough nattering about the looks, let's jump in the little tyke and take 'er for a rip! Second: who cares? Everything you've heard about one Mini interior, you've heard about all the others. They're cartoonish and fiddly and whatever the exact opposite of ergonomic is. Blergonomic. Add to that the cut-down cockpit of the Mini coupé and embrace the added impracticality of rear blind-spots like an Imperial Star Destroyer and a pillbox front view. Is the light green yet? Better stick your head out the window to check. I am not an overly tall person, but when first in line at the lights, I learned to follow the lead of the cross-traffic. Ticking off a few more demerits, cargo space: pretty negligible. Ride quality: nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Mix in a back parcel shelf that rattles like an Army of Darkness can-can line and you might think I've little love lost for the two-seater Mini. But you'd be wrong. When it comes to handling clichés, take your pick and apply it to this latest member of the MINI range: the Cooper S coupé. Just don't expect to make any sense. This ain't no go-kart: it grips over bumpy pavement rather than skittering sideways like a skipped stone. And as for going around a bend on rails, Thomas the Tank Engine would flop over on his flank at half the g's that a Cooper S coupé pulls while scrabbling through a corner. Depress the Sport button (why should you even have to?) and thrill to the declarative *pop-pop-pop* of improperly combusted fuel. It's a cheery flatulence that must surely be artificial in some way, given our draconian emissions laws, but try to keep the grin off your face. I dare ya. But here's the thing. Last time I attended These ranged from the "minor niggle" category – wonky signal lights, to the "just take all my money You Bastards" column – supercharger failure, thousand-dollar seat repair, ECU-fritzing. Mini is fairly ho-hum when it comes to any reliability survey you might care to mention. It's almost as though BMW, with typical German humourlessness, has engineered a little of that British Leyland So: costly, unreliable, largely impractical, not particularly attractive and somewhat uncomfortable. Can I really recommend this latest Mini? Not unreservedly, but – well, I suppose it depends on your constitution. It really ought to say on the brochure, "we can offer you nothing but blood, toil, tears and sweat – but it'll be worth it." It's not going to be a Honda Civic, but then, it's not going to be a Honda Civic. Frankly, the only things that would make the Mini coupé better, to my mind, were if it was slightly larger, perhaps a useful hatchback. Maybe if it had two small seats in the back, just in case. Maybe if it looked a little more like the original Mini, and – Oh. Oh, I see. MINI provided the vehicle tested and insurance. from The Truth About Cars http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com | |||
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Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Review: 2012 Mini Cooper S Coupé
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