When Porsche Built an Audi and a Mercedes

I must start today's article with an announcement: this is a big day. That's because today is, in fact, my birthday. To celebrate, I will take a rare day off from writing a story of great importance to everyone, like the one about that woman crashing her Highlander into a house. Instead, I believe I'm entitled to one story of intensely detailed automotive history that will be appreciated by approximately nine people, all of whom will quickly correct minor details I've gotten wrong. Of course, being a Millennial, I also believe I'm entitled to a lot more than that, but I will address those concerns on my tumblr. Anyway, today's subject is one of my favorite automotive topics of all time: incredibly obscure cars from the 1990s. I enjoy this topic almost as much as I enjoy walking up to people at Cars and Coffee and starting sentences with: "When I had an E63 AMG wagon…" The obscure cars in question were manufactured by Porsche. But they aren't sports cars, or even ungainly SUVs with frog headlights. Instead, they're the Audi RS2 and Mercedes-Benz 500E. If you're with me this far, I implore you to read on. If not, see if I get you anything for your birthday. Some History Let's start with a little background. As I've written before, Porsche was in dire straits in the late 1980s. That's because their product portfolio largely consisted of old cars: there was the 911, which came out decades earlier, the 928, which felt like it came out decades earlier, and the 944, based on the 924, which was initially developed decades earlier … as a Volkswagen. To put it in perspective, here's an interesting statistic: Porsche sold more cars last month than they did in the entirety of 1993. In other words, Porsche in the early 1990s probably felt a lot like Lotus today: you were just waiting for the moment where they would announce it had been sold to a much larger automaker, who would invest a lot of money in bastardizing the brand name. The RS2 In order to round up some extra cash, Porsche drew some inspiration from the teenager who mows your lawn and began taking on side projects. The first was an Audi station wagon called the RS2. Here's what's important about the RS2: it is the single coolest vehicle ever produced. I base this highly factual statement on two important qualities. First, it shares its wheels and mirrors with the Porsche 964, and its brake calipers say "PORSCHE." This makes it immensely cool. Number two: it is not currently available in the US. This makes it stratospherically cool. For proof, just ask anyone who likes the R34 GT-R. Seriously, the RS2 was a neat car. To create it, Porsche and Audi took an Audi 80 Avant, chosen because it was the most boring car they could find, and dropped in Audi's 2.2-liter turbocharged five-cylinder, which made 311 horsepower. The result was the birth of the hot station wagon, which is something that we car enthusiasts endlessly talk about today, but would never actually buy. (Except, of course, for me. I had an E63 AMG wagon. Just ask the people at my local Cars and Coffee). Of course, a sporty station wagon wasn't enough to save Porsche, which is why they took on a second side project, like when the kid who mows your lawn offers to shovel your snow. (Or, if you're in the south, when he offers to rake your leaves. Or, if you're in Arizona, when he offers to kill your scorpions). That brings us to… The 500E The 500E was a rear-wheel drive Mercedes sedan based on the W124 E-Class. But it wasn't a typical E-Class: instead, it had an enormous V8 under the hood. Of course, when I say "enormous," I mean five liters and roughly 300 horsepower. But you have to remember that, back then, the competing M5 had a six-cylinder and Cadillac's "performance" model was a 200-horsepower convertible that they inexplicably built in Italy. As a result, the 500E was very cool. The 500E was also very cool because, once again, Porsche built it. Actually, that isn't strictly true: Mercedes built it, then transported everything to Porsche's factory where the workers were sitting around, presumably contemplating striking, because that's what you do in Europe. Then they assembled everything and sent it back to Mercedes. Every 500E was left-hand drive, and every 500E had only four Recaro bucket seats. Every 500E was also tremendously fun to drive. I know this because I actually owned a one-owner, 72,000-mile 500E, which I purchased from a Fiat dealer in 2011 for $10,000. I only had it a month before I got a much higher offer from someone in Ohio. To date, after owning more than a dozen cars, it's the only one I really miss. After the 500E The 500E and RS2 may not have been enough to save Porsche, but they certainly kept the brand afloat. Of course, we all know what happened next: The 500E helped jumpstart the "fast sedan" game that continues to this day. Porsche gave us the Panamera, whose best quality is that you don't have to look at it when you're driving it. And the RS2 faded into automotive obscurity, unless you're me, who actively counts down the days until it becomes legal to import. Now that will be a happy birthday. Doug DeMuro operates PlaysWithCars.com. He's owned an E63 AMG wagon, road-tripped across the US in a Lotus without air conditioning, and posted a six-minute lap time on the Circuit de Monaco in a rented Ford Fiesta. One year after becoming Porsche Cars North America's youngest manager, he quit to become a writer. His parents are very disappointed. from The Truth About Cars http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com

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