LeMons Good/Bad Idea of the Week: The NASCAR Helmet-Throw Penalty

Friday, February 10, 2012

LeMons Good/Bad Idea of the Week: The NASCAR Helmet-Throw Penalty

A LeMons race can have up to 175 sub-$500 heaps clogging a track; how can you keep it from degenerating into ungovernable chaos on the very first lap? It's easy: Fear. Fear of the 24 Hours of LeMons Supreme Court and the array of cruel and unusual punishments that await on-track miscreants in the Penalty Box. Spin out and you're coming to see the judges. Hit another car and you'll receive a black-flag ticket to public humiliation. Speed in the paddock and—you get the idea. As Judge Phil of the LeMons Supreme Court, I concoct some of the penalties, but a few of the better ones come to the LSC courtesy of the racers. When we held the Where The Elite Meet To Cheat race at Charlotte Motor Speedway last fall, it seemed only fittin' that we honor the track that NASCAR legend Curtis Turner built by adding a NASCAR-themed penalty to our correctional toolkit.

The Southerners of Team Terminally Confused run a chopped-up Honda Civic with a Frankensteined mashup of castoff B- and K-engine parts under the hood and a giant bumblebee abdomen protruding from its rear. They made a good impression on us in South Carolina when they Sawzall-ed a bad cylinder's rocker arms to keep the car going when it spit a rod out the side of the block. (The fix worked, sort of.)

Even with such hooptie-tastic repairs having proved its keen understanding of the spirit of LeMons racing, Team Terminally Confused knew that it's always a good idea to continue greasing the gears of the LeMons justice system. You know, to keep things fair. So they took inspiration from prima donna NASCAR drivers and gathered up the props for the NASCAR Helmet-Throw Penalty.

(Aside: We've tried doing a NASCAR-influenced restrictor-plate penalty in the past [as seen above], but not enough teams run Holley four-barrels to make it worthwhile. We may revisit this concept in the future, with the plate made to fit the BMW M20 engine's throttle body.)

The NASCAR Helmet-Throw Penalty works like this: Team Terminally Confused provided us with a cracked, not-safe-for-racing helmet and a Honda Civic door. An offending driver must work himself or herself into a lather over unfair black-flagging/cheating competitors/demanding sponsors, then hurl the helmet across the Penalty Box.

After delivering the profanity-laced diatribe, the miscreant throws the helmet. If the helmet goes through the open window of the car door, the racer's car may return to the track. If not, the team gets a 30-minute timeout.

This racer showed great helmet-tossing accuracy, and so we let her and her team return to the track—big thanks to Team Terminally Confused for a great penalty! And we're always up for more penalty ideas; if you have one, drop a line in the comments section below.