18 Things We’d Do with the National Corvette Museum’s Sinkhole Cars

Thursday, February 13, 2014

18 Things We’d Do with the National Corvette Museum’s Sinkhole Cars

By now, you've already read about the sinkhole at the National Corvette Museum that ate eight historic Corvettes, you've probably watched the security-cam footage of the hole opening up, and you may have even seen some before and after photos of the damaged Vettes. The museum has announced that it will send the cars to GM for restoration, but we had our own ideas. We polled the entire staff, and here are the best ones—give us yours in the Backfires comments below!

"Mark Hamill. Lots of Bondo. Metalflake paint." (Beyond the Corvette Summer connection, we don't know what this means, either.—Ed.)

– Mark Arnold, Videographer

"Haul the old ones out of the hole and sell them as-is at auction as artifacts of the event. The newer cars I would cut up into cubes, encase them in polycarbonate, and sell as souvenirs at the gift shop."

– Jeff Sabatini, Features Editor

"Circle it with yellow police tape and leave it as is, as a testament to the hubris of man; maybe with a copy of Shelley's "Ozymandias" on an easel next to it."

– Kirk Seaman, Buyer's Guide Editor

"Call in the military and have a helicopter pull them out. You know, have the government bail them out."

– Darin Johnson, Creative Director

"Donate one to me for a Frankenstein Ford Focus project."

– David Beard, Road Warrior and Ford Focus Owner

1. "Cut them into chunks for robot cereal: Corvettios."
2. "Two words: Road test."

– Eddie Alterman, Editor-in-Chief

"Most of the heirloom Corvettes have historical significance. They will surely be restored especially in those cases where the damage isn't serious. At least one should be left in 'as retrieved' condition as a memento to the day the earth inhaled Corvettes."

– Don Sherman, Technical Director

"Create one Frankenvette with all the salvageable parts."

– Marc Urbano, Staff Photographer

"Pull them out of the hole exactly as they are, and without washing them or anything, put them back into another display on the grounds memorializing this most unexpected and bizarre day. Or, just leave them in the hole and make that part of the museum. A good reminder that everything we do on earth—and the earth itself—is temporary. Hope for the hereafter lies with the good Lord Tadge Juechter."

– Jared Gall, Senior Editor

"Give them a Viking funeral on Lake Erie."

– K.C. Colwell, Technical Editor

"Restore the cars, leave the hole. Turn it into the Chevy Cavalier Museum."

– Aaron Robinson, Executive Editor

"Leave it as is and rename the attraction National Sinkhole Museum."

– Austin Lindberg, Online News Editor

"Build a shrine that's an homage to Mother Nature, a stern reminder that as we neglect our duties to preserve the planet on which we live, she fights back by taking that which is most precious to us. I would like to see a row of oil lamps lining the raised altar of this shrine, the wicks soaking up and burning whatever oil is left in the sumps of those Vettes who bravely gave their lives to issue us this warning. When the oil runs out, the flame dies. Inscribed on a bronze plaque above the shrine, the words: "Nature's a B*tch." '

– Aaron Brzozowski, Video Assistant

"Ignore the Vettes, look for Hoffa."

– Alexander Stoklosa, Associate Online Editor

"Open a subterranean National Corvette Sinkhole exhibit after stabilizing the floor and cars. Sell little miners' hats for kids with headlamps in the gift shop. Sort of Universal Studios meets "plastic disasters"!"

– Ron Sessions, Senior Online Editor

"Donate the whole sinkhole to the Creationist Museum. Put a dinosaur next to that b*tch and call it a day."

– Sam Conant, Interactive Design Director

"I'll take one."

– Mike Fazioli, Managing Editor